9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
