I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
