Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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