sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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