I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
