i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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