i wish my penis had a tongue
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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