btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
