I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
