Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
