There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
