Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize