OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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