Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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