yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
