Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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