You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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