I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
