i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
