How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
