she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
