It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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