My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
