I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found your dick twin last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
