Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
