dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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