batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
