quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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