If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
