I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize