He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
