either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
