I got chris browned last night
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
