After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
