She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
