Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
