my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
