Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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