I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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