There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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