you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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