carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize