i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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