the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
