is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
