yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
