So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
