I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
