Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
