No stitches, just platelets and will power
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
