Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
