I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
