Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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