ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
