I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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