I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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