And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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