I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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