I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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