Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
