Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
