She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
