I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
