is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
