There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need a beard to bite.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
