Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
