It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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