Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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