I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
