ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
