I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
