i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
