im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
