chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
