Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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