I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
