I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
