the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
