you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
