I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
