it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
